It feels like it has been many years since I have last published on here. Realistically it has been a mere two months. Nothing much has changed but it feels likes mentally I have been through war. I have been attempting to work on myself. Figure out exactly what makes Cherry tick. To be honest I still have no definitive answers. I haven’t really been traveling but I have been out in the natural world leading hikes for youngsters, teaching them how important clean waterways are and I have really gotten into geology. It rocks!
It is still hard for me to believe that I am working at a place that both engages me mentally and follows one of my passions. To be honest I have been having a difficult time lately. I have been letting my guard down a little bit at a time to allow myself to feel all the feelings. If I am mad, happy, angry, lonely, ect. The list goes on! For a long time I did my best to put a perky happy go lucky front. Always be positive. Put yourself second and makes sure no matter what everyone around you has the best experience in this life. Welp, that can only go on for so long before you start finding that putting yourself and your own emotional state on the backburner well…burns.
I am attempting to maintain a positive outlook. I have walked so far to get to this point in my life and what a long strange trip it’s been to say the least. I have overcome so much and I believe I will continue to succeed. However, some of that is also allowing myself to feel the essential part of what makes me human and that is my overall emotional state.
I see a counselor once a week. Clarke. She is absolutely amazing and it is all about the talking. I have been seeing her for about two or three years now and recently I was no longer diagnosed as having PTSD. (post traumatic stress disorder.) I am not going to get into the cause in this post, but suffice to say that this is something I am incredibly proud and grateful of. Having PTSD I always felt like Atlas. Always carrying around that world with all the darkness of what I have been through. Although, I still have residual anxiety issues it was such a relief to hear that I no longer possessed the symptoms of PTSD. This was something that I thought I would have forever and I just sort of got used to those wounds that didn’t seem to heal.
Well, apparently did heal. I have some pretty interesting scars but they are not me. I am me. I am continuously getting to know me everyday. This will be all for now. I am starting to feel the confidence and passion returning for writing.
Peace & Love,